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How to pronounce in English in America.

If your first language is not English
You need to learn 56 phonograms
And a few hundred exceptions.
It means countless ways to pronounce "a," "e"
All the other vowels, most consonants
And many combinations between them.

Americans have a very special pronunciation
Therefore, follow the next rules if you want
To pass for an American native.

First rule; when you say money
You need to prolong the "y," capturing the word
As if this were the most important word in the world.
By contrast if you say poor,
Try to expel the air in the "oo" as far as you can
Ejecting the spirit of the word.

Second rule; to say democracy, pretend.
Simulate to use a strong K instead of the cr.
If it is too difficult, at least make believe, fooling the people.
Very different is the pronunciation of foreign,
Now, you must eat as many letters as you can,
Don't worry about its soul, it is not an original America.

Third rule; when saying freedom use the "e"
As the "i" in libertine. Here you can take
Some latitude and do as you want.
In the case of the word sex
You have to be fast and to the point.
Aim to the X. There is not case in loosing time
As when you say love. That takes too much time.

Finally when you pronounce "English"
Don't forget to use the "i" instead of the "E", Inglish.
It's not hard to do it if you remember that it is the same
"i" of "I" (I, me, me first, and only me).
“I” as in individual and egocentriiiic.
If you learn these basic rules you'll
Be suite to speak American.

I want my fifteen minutes of fame

I wish I would be interviewed by a gorgeous national TV personality,
I would be funny, I would be witty, I would be brief,
I would smile as Tom Cruse and joke as John Leno,
just as the networks like to keep it.

I promise I’ll bring your show rates two points up,
I have been practicing morning, noon and during soup.
I can explain the most complicated problems in twelve seconds flat,
just as the networks like to keep it.

They can ask me about Afghanistan or the Zodiac and everything in between,
but my favorite subject is… me. Don’t take me wrong,
I’m not a self center person! But my life is so… it’s not so boring!
just as the networks like to keep it.

I wish I would be interviewed by somebody, OK?
I would accept a radio, a tabloid or a psychiatrist interview.
Even a telemarketer would do it,
as long as somebody learns that I exist and have opinions.
Do you have time to spear for an interview?

I want to buy, I want to be

Today I want to spend money without limits, without shame,
buy a big car, an outrageous expensive watch,
a celebrity perfume and vacations to the Tibet.

Today I want to experience the sweet feeling of
acquiring something exciting.
I want to make an impression on everybody even on the
salespeople working for their commission.

Today I just want to buy, to feel that I’m bigger,
better, important. I would wear new cloths
and exotics new jewels that would impress kings and presidents.

Today the only thing I don’t want is to feel limited,
to mull over prices, to set myself restrictions, to think that
my purchases are useless or my retirement is gone.
Oh, that feeling of despair.

Today I want to buy, I want to have, I want to feel,
I want to be to buy, I want to buy to be,
Today I want to be, I want to be, I want to be…